Now that we’re officially in the dead of winter (and feeling just about as lively as that sounds), we can’t help but daydream of planning an island getaway. With its gold-flecked beaches, treehouse hotels and lush landscapes straight out of a fantasy movie, a Hawaiian vacation has never sounded more appealing than, say, chipping a car door handle out of an ice sheath. And from the volcanic views to the reef runway—the first major offshore runway built above a coral reef—the complete Hawaiian experience starts from thousands of feet up.
Here are all the thoughts you have when landing in Honolulu, Hawaii.
- Okay, looks like we’re approaching Moloka’i—by my calculations, that means about 12 minutes til we land!
- 38 minutes to landing. Excellent.
- That’s enough time to get some work done.
- Maybe I’ll catch up on my correspondences.
- My seatmate probably thinks I’m a Very Important Businessperson, what with all my corresponding.
- WOW, what a view.
- Those are some emoji-perfect mountains you’ve got there, Oahu.
- This water is too blue to be true.
- IS THAT A WHALE?
- It’s definitely a humpback.
- I should tell my seatmate.
- …He’s asleep.
- Should I wake him up?
- I should wake him up.
- Perfect opportunity to casually drop Hawaii knowledge.
- “Humpback whales are called ‘kohola’ in Hawaiian, did you know?”
- Oh, wait. It’s a boat.
- Why does Gingerale taste so much better on airplanes?
- Whatever these salty cracker-pretzel-puffs are, I like them.
- Maybe I should eat seat-dude’s, too.
- He’d never notice.
- For all he knows, this is a snack-free aircraft.
- I mean, they’re just sitting there.
- They’re probably stale by now.
- Just sit on your hands, klepto.
- Is Hawaiian pizza actually a Hawaiian thing, or is that the equivalent of French fries?
- I could go for a Hawaiian pizza right now.
- It feels like we’re turning!
- Yup, definitely turning.
- Oh my god. Did I unplug my straightener?!
- My apartment has burned to the ground.
- I’ll return home to rubble.
- RUBBLE.
- Right, I packed it.
- That was a close one.
- I always underestimate what a prepared traveler I am.
- Wait. Did I leave the oven on?!
- I think I see Maui!
- Here today, gone to Maui.
- I am a literary genius
- Filing that one under Instagram captions
- Along with “Watch me whip—now watch me lei lei.”
- Sorry.
- Can I hold this pee until we land?
- I think so, for sure.
- I wonder if there’s a new “Modern Family” on in-flight entertainment?
- Nope, definitely can’t hold the pee.
- Squeezing by this sleeping giant is going to take serious 007 moves.
- Why did I have to drink so many tiny cups of Gingerale?
- I don’t even like Gingerale.
- Okay, on three, just hurtle yourself over his legs in a tuck-jump position.
- Prepare for landing in Honolulu!?
- Well, now I have to hold it.
- Think about something that isn’t water.
- Honolulu is the best name for a city
- How could someone not have fun in a place called Honolulu?
- Whoops, seat definitely isn’t in an upright position.
- When did I get so many cords?
- YES I KNOW MY ELECTRONICS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE STOWED.
- Are ear buds electronics if they aren’t plugged in?
- I should ask my seatmate.
- Should I wake him up?
- He needs to wake up soon anyway.
- Definitely shouldn’t have woken him up.
- Nope, he did not like that one bit.
- I’ll ease the tension with my hilarious Maui pun.
- Should have said nothing.
- Touchdown!
- A round of applause for the pilot!
- Why am I the only one clapping?
- It’s too late now.
- Fade out the clap.
- That’s it, just fade it out.
- Why is everyone staring?
- Just seem completely engrossed in your phone.
- YES, I KNOW I CAN’T USE IT UNTIL WE COME TO A COMPLETE STOP.
- Can’t you see I’m just pretending?
- Okay, seatbelt sign’s off. Prepare for speedy-yet-subtle bathroom beeline.
- You can make it, just keep thinking about Hawaii
- Volcanoes, beaches, hikes, waterfalls…
- …
Main image: www.istockphoto.com/myshkovsky
